I thought by changing the style of my blogsite, I would start writing and sharing here again....I've been in process of change and have been taking some time off of many things....now...its time to be back, back to the land of the written word!
Their cups, turned upwards, towards heaven
As if to say “fill me”
Waving gently in the breeze and cloudless sky
They wait while they dance
He will see their need, to be satisfied
But for now, they linger
In perpetual motion, wooing him
Closer to show their desire
Variety of color, shape and size
Are the subjects of His passion
For the exact thing they want from Him
He gives with intense pleasure
He sends to them a visitor
Created by His own hand, the moment it is required
An envelope of moisture, to be opened
To fill them, to bubble over their delicate fringes
Intensely gratified, they sup
Pulling the drink into their being
Gratified in the supply and the knowing that
He knows….every need, want and desire
This Christmas season was different...very different. I haven't posted in a very long time, I can make excuses and tell stories about my absence, but the story I want to tell today, is the story of the most incredible gift Ive ever received. It didn't come in a box, nor was it wrapped in pretty paper and it didn't have any outward appearance of a gift at all...because...my gift was unseen by the human eye. I received the gift of the Holy Spirit working through me to be with my friend, Danna, during the final days of her life here on earth. To some people this may not sound like a gift, but a terribly sad way to spend the "holidays". Believe me when I say that while I was not happy to see my friend in pain, physically and spiritually, I would not have wanted to be anywhere else on earth. It was an honor and a privilege to be with her. To not watch her struggle, but to struggle with her about really tough, end of life questions. To help make real to her the fact that Jesus loves her more than anyone here on earth and that it was ok to stop fighting. It was ok to fully surrender, body, mind and soul to Jesus. To walk along side her during this final journey. I was taught so much during this period of time. I understand now, this journey that God has had me on for the last several years. My last post talked of darkness, Ive come to understand that darkness is a part of my process of growth. I don't think I will ever look forward to it, but I can rest in the knowledge that Jesus will bring me to the light, in his time, but I need to do some work while waiting for His timing. Some of the work I entered into recently was of Silence and Solitude, it was so very worth it. Thank you, those of you who inspired and helped me and continue to do so. (Deb, deAnn, Joanne) I would never have guessed that anyone would have wanted me for such a time as this...I am awe struck and Gods power!
Danna had been a Christ follower for several years, but she struggled with having a "head full" of Jesus and moving that knowledge into her heart. It is more of a "process" for some of us, me included! I am happy to say, that on a morning that I wasn't with her, she completely surrendered to Jesus. She didn't have to tell me, I could actually see it in her. She was still very, very sick, but she had a radiance about her. Approximately 10 days later,on January 4 she left this earthly home for heaven. Even though that was a day of celebration, and I fully know and understand that it was, I felt a little lost. The preceding days were filled with lots of phone calls and conversations, so I kept myself busy....really busy! Her celebration of life service was on January 8, 2008 and her husband and daughter asked if I would speak. I was honored again, to do that. Today, for some reason, I heard the song by Casting Crowns, Praise you in the storm....and I fell to pieces. I wept like I haven't wept for years....because...I am still on this side of heaven...and I will miss my friend..."Danna Banana".
I have a problem with darkness. It scares me because I cant see, with my eyes, what is within it. It is the unknown that I fear. I encounter this physically and spiritually. Physically I experience it in the usual places, no lights on in a room or empty house, walking to and getting into my car after the sun goes down. This last one, getting into my car, is the worst. After opening my car door, I have to make sure the light inside is on, I check the back seat (every time) and when I am sure there is no one there, I get in. I have come to the understanding that it depends on whatever is going on in my life, that determines how fearful I am. Spiritually I experience this whenever I hear God speaking to me about something that I need to reconcile or dig deeper into. I am not sure, sometimes, what exactly it is that I'm getting into so I need to have complete dependence on Jesus to be with me while I am in process....to shine His light and enable me to see.
Below is a writing that "speaks to" darkness.
Darkness, why do you scare me so?
Everything I fear is in you
Albeit, I need you
I cannot see into you
When I arrive
My heart quickens its pace
Is there someone or something there?
My rationality tells me
Beware of the unseen, evil lurks within
Be a big girl, approach
There is nothing within
Nothing there to impair
Where is this voice coming from?
In a millisecond
All this conflict, I am afraid
I find a weapon to encounter you
When I push on
A light to improve you
Darkness be gone
You have no power within me
I have won this scrimmage
Michael's blood test came back inconclusive for kidney problems. He still has to get more tests, and hopefully, he will! Im still pestering him about getting the cat scan done, but hey...Im just the Mom...Again, Thanks for your prayers...I definately felt them and Im sure he did too!
May Son Michael is sick....and Im afraid. He has a condition called Myasthenia Gravis. It is an autoimmune condition that is a neuromuscular problem. He was first diagnosed with this about a year ago. At that time he had no insurance. He has been medicated and doing very well, until recently (of course I am the mom and I get to find out last!) Anyway, the fix for this problem is surgery similar to that of open heart surgery because where they have to operate is on the thymus gland that is located behind the breast bone (no way in but through) So, to make a really long story short. He has been having some problems and the dr thinks it may be his kidneys, he also believes it may be a result of the meds. Michael has waited too long for the cat scan and ultimate surgery, maybe to the point of causing more problems...this worries me...and Im not a worrier. He does have very good insurance now, so Im asking for prayer..specifically for myself that I can know that God is in control and that I can have some peace from that knowledge and also for Michael that he does the right thing and listens to his doctor and that he also knows peace....because I know hes scared too...Thanks...feel free to send this to anyone,,,,anywhere.
Sometimes, I need to pick out the good feeling stuff and pitch out the yucky stuff, even though all of it is there, right at the surface, joy is what I need. For some reason my minds eye just pictured separating an egg. The parts that can be eaten are inside of the eggshell, all together. When it is poured into the egg separater, the part that has no color falls away, leaving you a golden yellow "nugget"...this may be joy!
