Another Adventure

This quote comes from the Our Daily Bread devotional..."Adventures can be fun...and scary. They usually involve a bit of the unknow. As we walk in fellowship with God, it's likely that our lives will have many unique adventures...opportunities to serve Him. If we're reluctant or scared and we turn down an opportunity, we miss out. Will God still get the job done? Of course. But someone else will receive the blessing". "Courage is fear that has said its prayers!". I shared this quote from you because at the time I saw it on Tuesday May 8, I ripped it out of the devotional book and decided I wanted to process it some more. On that day and several of the next days, I took from it to mean something about this new adventure of writing and finding my creative self....its kinda scarey...but I dont want someone else getting the blessing that is meant for me....make sence? Ok, well, in a matter of 1 week and 1 day, the meaning of this quote took on a whole new understanding for me....the understanding of being LOST on my adventure. All alone, in the scarey dark woods. Something still scares me about dark woods, physically and mentally. On Wednesday May 16 I had a "melt-down" at work. I was asked to hand in my resignation in writing and within 2 hours or so, I was rehired. This is a very hard story to tell without telling the details, but I am choosing to the leave those out, because, really in the scheme of things, they don't matter. What matters is what I was feeling and what I learned through it. I was feeling fear, but it came out as rage. This behavior is not new to me, but it is a behavior that I haven't allowed for a really, really long time. This fear I have determined was a combination of many things that were going on in my life, and worse than the understand of that, was the understanding that it was satan himself....working tirelessly at me. Not just in my work life, but in my personal life also. I called my husband in the midst of all of this mess and he was definately my grounding point. He asked me simple questions. What happened? Where was God in all of this? and finally, Have you prayed through this? These questions have a recurring theme for me and I needed to not only answer them, but listen to what the questions were saying to me. They were saying that I was lost. Here is the good news, I was lost, but now Im found! or it might be more acurate to say Im finding my way back from the darkened woods! I was able to go back to work, after I said several prayers, one about forgiveness (for losing site of HIM) one of gratitude for having the freedome to chose HIM, and one for the strength and humbleness to talk to my supervisor. I spoke with her at length and process through what had happened. I was able to do this calmly and without anger and she was able to hear me, calmly and without anger. These 2 things were a blessing. I was only able to do this because of Jesus, living in me, a reality that I dont think I really understood until that day. In the wake of this episode I have been drawing ever closer to Jesus....because I have learned yet another lesson that he never leaves me alone in the darkened woods, where the scarey things of my life hide...he is right there with me....only I am blind....and cannot see. I do not wish to go on anymore journeys without him, I dont want to be scared...to let fear rule me