"And the veil just lifted
I can finally understand
The way you work in me
But even if I didn't
You are still a sovereign God
Who has a plan for me"
The above is a verse from a song by Sara Groves. It speaks volumes to me, so....instead of trying to put this into my own words at this moment, I thought I'd just quote it for now.
I find it hard
Very hard
To hear you today
I see it blurry
Very blurry
Your kind face
I feel it quickly
Very quickly
My anger and temper
Where are you?
Very hidden
I cant find you today
You are there
Very there
But where?
In the shadow of my brokenness
Perhaps?
I cant see past this veil now
Plunging into gracelessness
Its dark here
I see red and black
Jesus?
Rumbling, sometimes loud, sometimes softly
First one…then another…then many
Making the individual sounds combine to a loud buzzing of sorts
Like a Barbershop ensemble
Or maybe more like a choir
Each having its own part to make up the harmony
A sea of chrome and bodies
brightly colored paintings
On various canvases to show individuality, but also harmony
The predominate covering color is black
Adorned with patches and pins
Still creating a painting to show allegiance to a brotherhood
Lost and searching souls
Some are dark, despite the bright colors
Others have a glimmer of light in their eyes, searching to belong amongst the paintings
All are children of God
Brightly colored in character as well as body
They try to shield their brightness, cloaked in black…but we the faithful can see their beauty….beneath the cloak of darkness
The following is a comment to a post by Deb on the Sacred Encounters blogsite. I wanted to post it here on my site, as a reminder to me. Check out the writing for today on her site...it is fabulous...thanks Deb!
Regret/splinters....what a wonderful analagy. It amazes me still how God teaches me. Maybe not so much the lesson, but how. For the last several years, God has been showing me my "splinters" (I used to call them defects of character, I like splinters better, its softer!) Its not that I didnt know they were there, I felt them when the affected area was pushed on, but often let them be, until they became infected, swollen and really really sore. Then, would get out the needle and start digging. After a great amount of pain, the splinter would be removed and anticeptic would be placed on the wound. Its like that, with my deep life issues...Gods healing anticeptic is the cure. There are other times, when I see the splinter, run quickly to get the tweesers, get to work at pulling on the part that is exposed, and in my haste, break off the peice that I can see, leaving the balk of the problem, still imbedded. Im starting to understand, that God is showing me this peice, so I can carefully, but with diligence and time, pull out the splinter. He doesnt show these to me so I can quickly get to work to get rid of the problem, He wants me to learn a lesson in the process, so that hopefully, the next time I get a splinter, I can handle it...the way He wants me to. My friend and previous growth group member, Gloria, passed away last week. I am dealing with the splinter of regret as it relates to what kind of friend I was to her. Forgiveness will be my anticeptic.
As I sit here in my room
My thoughts are all of you
My world is so much better
Now that Im with you
I think you know how I feel
I think its very clear
You're on my mind, all the time
It's losing you I fear
How can I tell you
The things Id like to say
How can I explain to you
My feelings everyday
by Jane Coffman
I wrote this little song in 1975. Im quite sure it was for a boyfriend then, but it speaks to me today about the relationship I have with my Savior, not so much "how can I tell you, but "my world is such much better, now that Im with you" and "its losing you I fear"
I am a rebel....it is not who I am....but what I am...or what I sometimes am! I went to church yesterday, against doctors orders (shhh dont tell!)...woo hoo....I never, ever, thought it would be so exciting to go to church, but then I remembered how I felt when I first became a christian and how excited I would be that it was sunday! Anyway, On the way to church yesterday, I noticed or experienced the colors of my world. The sky was so blue, maybe a different color blue than I have ever seen before, do you know the color of the syrup that makes the snowball/snowcone named "sky blue"? This is what I saw yesterday. The grass was the color green that the crayon says is green. There were flowers of every color that I noticed, they seem to be bigger and brighter on this particular morning. It was a nice cool morning, I don't know if that had anything to do with color. It seems as though when it is hot outside, everything looks kinda hazy, like looking through dirty eyeglasses and when it is cool the lenses on the eyeglasses are perfectly clean. Hmmmmm, gives me some food for thought about my relationship with Christ, when Im a "hot head" I see my relationship with Christ as a bit hazy, because of my attitude at the moment, I cant see clearly. When I am able to "cool down" and be reasonable, I can more clearly see my Savior! My experience inside the church was awesome as well. Not only was the message wonderful, but I was able to talk to several people and have real conversation. So many times at church I am rushing from here to there, trying to find so and so to tell something or the other to, or Im trying to hide from so and so! (dont let that get out! tryin to be honest here!!) I miss so much in my busyness of life. I believe that God has orchestrated this "forced sabbath" so that I can learn to be more grateful for what he has given me....the world...and so that I can better hear him and respond. "My Savior loves, My Savior Lives My Saviors always there for me, My Savior Was, My Savior Is, My Saviors always gonna be!"
This quote is from a song that I hear in my head quite often, it is lyrics from a song that I heard on WJTL once, and it stuck...anyone know who the artist is?
Oh, buy the way, There were yellow flags along side the road, at an apartment complex,that I noticed on our way home, that were blowing ferousiously in the wind that had picked up in the time that we had spent in church. My husband tells me that those flags have been there for a really long time...hmmmm,,,,never noticed!
