Do They Know

Do they know
The ones that cry out in the night
In the darkness
In the torment of their soul
Do they know
That they are loved
That they are cared for
Can’t see a way out of their anguish
And then, it comes
a decision
not based in logic
but in relief
a deadly decision
and then
those who are left
write words
of caring, of love, of admiration
its too late
they can’t hear it anymore
broken pieces, at a souls expense
left behind for Him to use
to create a masterpiece
is it necessary…any of it
would it have made a difference
if they knew
would He have changed the mosaic

Winter

She is in a season of winter..not just because the season on the calendar is winter, but because SHE IS...all of her, shrouded in ice where the warmth of the sun does not reach her...her soul...she is far away from the giver of life..light...warmth. Jesus is missing from her conscience, or so it seems. While she knows that He is embedded in her..in her very soul...she has pushed Him into a box..one of the boxes that she stores there, in her somewhat, sometimes twisted soul. He can reach her, if she allows it...why is she not allowing it? She feels lost...smothered, encased in ice. One night there was freezing rain on earth. When she awoke in the morning she looked outside at the trees...each and every branch and twig was covered with ice...she thought.."thats me...I am the branch" While the tree and branches are still alive, they look dead...dead and freezing cold..no warmth..there is pain there. Only dim light, all around. She is not numb...she feels the frosty bite of winter...she feels it not only physically, but in her soul. What happens to trees when they are encased in ice...she wonders. Does the life giving sap that courses throught the branches...get hard?...almost like her life blood?

"Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it" Genesis 28:16

Surely He is...and she is not aware. She has read and believes that He is in the midst of EVERYTHING...not just this thing or that thing...or maybe just a little...NO...HE IS...fully in everything. Why can't she feel it? Perhaps she is not looking. Why does she take her eyes off of Him?...especially when she knos He is the giver of light and life and love. She needs Him to carry her...Now..she needs to feel His loving arms wrapped tightly around her. She needs to feel His warmth and love. She tries to get this from the humans He has put in her life..and they can't do the job. Some of them are very close...they are the ones that He has equipped for this. Others have no idea how to give her what she so desparately needs..and how could they? He is the one and only who can give her everything that she needs... He does...she just doesn't know how to tap into it. Please Lord...help her to look only to you for these things that she desparately needs.

Blind Faith

"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
Thomas Merton


The "right road" and "though I may know nothing about it". WOW, does this speak to me. It has come to my attention recently how ignorant I can be of Gods plans. How I have come to understand that His timing in not my timing. I started on a journey 16 yrs ago. Although I didn't know Jesus as my Savior, I did not have an understanding of a loving God, I basically had no thought of anything or anyone who could be higher than myself...I felt a prompting to change my life forever. This "prompting" started as a direct threat, from a person, to life as I knew it....that moved into, in hind site, a very real direction from God. What started as obedience to a person, transformed into obedience to God. I have found out recently that had I chosen to continue along my own path, I would have ceased to exist. To write the "real words" I would have died. I have often wondered why I chose the "right road". It was not an easy road, truth be told it was at times an almost unbearable road. Should further truth be told, at times....like this particular season in my life...it still is. Today, there is a difference. Today I do know Jesus as my Savior and I do have an understanding of a loving God. It makes all the difference. I know that I have been saved by grace...I know that if I continue on the "right road" by my blind faith, my reward will come.
Heavenly Father, help me to continue on the road that you have carved out for me. Help me to be grateful for salvation. Help me to remember that your plan is not my plan and that your timing is perfect. Amen